Miracle Monday: Victory After a Fall

"I May Have Fallen, But I’m Standing in a Place of Victory"   by Trevor Foreman
I stood at the top of my roof – “Run down, jump and all of this will be over”.
It was more than a fleeting thought – That’s what I did on March 10th of last year.  How did I get there?  A young man with so much promise and potential, from a good Christian home, a believer in Jesus, and dedicated to serving others, now lying twisted on the ground with a broken back….

Depression and thoughts of self-harm began with lies I had believed: I needed to die because I couldn’t overcome my addiction to pornography that started in 6th grade (about 12 years of age).  I had an i-pad, and began looking at images of women.

There was an internal struggle, because I was a Christian and I knew this was wrong, but there was such a strong pull toward looking and watching porn, then self-fulfillment “feeling good” through masturbating.  But then came the guilt and the shame.

I wanted to be free, but after 5 years of a cycle of sin:  The temptation to look and watch porn, then giving into the desire for “pleasure” -- I was addicted.   From there it led down a path of despair, hopelessness and depression.  I wanted to pursue a conviction of freedom, but I couldn’t because I was trapped in this shameful behavior.

I lost count of how many times I tried on my own to stop, only to fail and the voices of guilt and shame mocked me, “You’re not good enough, you’re never going to overcome this, you’re not strong enough.”

March 10th 2020: I had fallen AGAIN into the cycle of my porn addiction, but after 5 years, I was used to it by now. I was in the classic state of depression and hopelessness.  I had been put on medication for depression, but it was not helping – just inflaming all my emotions – they were all over the place, but more importantly my heart was in the wrong place.  The overwhelming thoughts: “I could never get over this”, “never be free”, “what a fraud”.  The thought of being dead and gone and just have this over with was chasing me.

It’s strange how you remember details, I spent the morning watching TV, toasted a bagel, and I got on my roof.  I was tired of fighting this and not winning – My roof is about 2.5 stories – (see my victory picture) I jumped……

I woke up in the hospital after receiving emergency surgery with rods and screws in my back – I had shattered my L-5 Vertabra, 2 millimeters away from puncturing my spinal nerve sack which would have left me with lifetime paralysis – 1/30th of an inch away from being paralyzed from my waist down.  Surgeons had to fuse my L3 Vertebra down through my sacrum.

I was in the hospital for 10 days, and the physical pain was excruciating.  I just laid in that hospital bed groaning. The doctors and nurses would show me the “Pain Scale – 1 to 10” and ask where I was.  I told them, “That number doesn’t mean anything, look at me, I can’t move”.
Oh, how I cried – I cried out in shame – I cried out in guilt – But I couldn’t bring myself to cry out to God.  I felt so helpless, and wanting even more to be dead because now the future looked even more hopeless than before.

I just recently realized this, but on the third day, God got me up to walk.  I could sit up, hold on to the walker and with the assistance of the nurses, physical therapists, and my family.  I painfully took the first shaky steps.  I knew there was hope – It was going to be tough, but I would be able to walk again.

Mental recovery also started in the hospital, there was so much spiritual warfare: I thank God for a nurse-aid, Brekken, who believed in Christ.  One evening Brekken was helping me on one of my “walks around the hallways” and I started shaking – I knew it was an attack from Satan.  I can’t explain it – I was sweating, shaking and crying – I couldn’t control it.  She brought me back to my room, and I just laid in my bed and started crying out to Jesus right there in that hospital bed, and it was instant PEACE.  I remembered Christ’s sacrifice for me, and I shouted, “I’m forgiven, I’m a child of God”. I ceased shaking and calmed down. The enemy fled in the very moment I cried out to Jesus.

Part of the mental and emotional recovery was learning how to take my thoughts captive and make it obedient to Christ.  I had to make it a practice that when thoughts and temptation come (they do and they will), I choose the path of escape.  I Corinthians 10:  “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man but God is faithful and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond your abilities, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape that you may be able to endure it”.  In the beginning that seemed impossible.

I still struggle with the temptation, but God has provided me with so much victory in my heart.  Instead of pursuing satisfaction - I’m pursing sanctification.  The way to avoid falling into that trap of sin is ACCOUNTABILITY: I have someone older and wiser than me that has the biblical knowledge, life experience and spiritual wisdom, who has overcome.  This man has helped me set up boundaries, don’t just “look the other way”, checking in with him, and he would check in with me (daily) – My mentor would continually encourage me to pursue Christ and to run into the arms of Jesus.

My future: I want to be married and have a family, and I pray that depression is not passed on.  I leave in September for Hawaii to join YWAM (Youth With A Mission) for training then serving in Spanish speaking countries and hopefully put 5 years of taking Spanish to good use – Sharing my testimony and doing mission work.

This picture is me standing where I landed: It was such a place of regret, guilt and shame but when my youth pastor took me back there where I landed, it’s now a place of victory –In that place where I laid lifeless on the ground, I saw Jesus laying lifeless on the cross, but not lifeless, because He rose from the dead. I can now stand in victory in that place of defeat because the blood of Christ says, “I won – Jesus is on my side”.

If you remember nothing else from my story, remember this: Learning to take your thoughts captive is essential to the walk of a Christian life, and living a life in habitual sin is detrimental, and will bring nothing but destruction.

My name is Trevor Foreman, and this is just one of my miracle stories.

2 Comments


Dave S. - July 5th, 2021 at 12:32pm

We saw and heard your message at your graduation ceremony a couple of weeks ago! You truly are one of God’s children...Thanks for sharing your walk in faith with us!

ShawnMarie Aiken - July 8th, 2021 at 11:17am

Thank you Dave S.

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